I found this article in my newspaper and thought I would share.



It's time to rediscover the lost art of manliness, according to husband-and-wife writing team Brett and Kate McKay.

Manliness in modern times has been stripped of its masculinity and replaced with more sensitive, feminine qualities, they write in The Art of Manliness, Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man.

It's okay for men to cry at movies and talk about their feelings, but they shouldn't let their niceness slide into wienerdom, say the McKays, the couple behind artofmanliness.com.

Brett, 26, began the blog in his second year of law school in January 2008. It became so successful that he and his wife, Kate, 28, now blog about manliness for a living from their home in Tulsa, Okla.

This is their first book. The Star engaged the McKays in an email discussion of their book. Here is an edited transcript.

Q: Why does the world need a book on the art of manliness?

Brett: One of the reasons I started The Art of Manliness site is because I noticed that men my age seemed pretty lost and directionless. I see lots of twenty- and thirtysomethings still acting and dressing as if they're 17.

Kate: Men thrive when there's a lot expected of them. We've really lowered our expectations for men and it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Q: What makes you experts on manly men?

Brett and Kate: We're just people who are interested in the subject and passionate about helping men improve their lives.

Q: Are men less manly today than they used to be? How?

Brett: I'd say yes. We read about men, particularly younger men, from the 19th and early 20th century, and we're just amazed by their maturity and resolve. They seemed to have a quiet confidence that many younger men lack these days. Men from our fathers' and grandfathers' generation also seem to know more basic life and handyman skills, such as how to start a fire or how to use tools, than men in my generation do.

Sitting around playing Xbox 360 while someone you've paid paints your house or shovels the snow off your driveway doesn't help with your manly self-reliance

Q: Are metrosexuals manly?

Brett: I don't think so. We advocate caring about your appearance on the site, but it shouldn't be a man's main focus. If a man's focus is on getting six-pack and abs and removing every wisp of body hair, he's not out there doing important things like giving back to his community or making solid contributions to his job and family.

Kate: That inner core of manly goodness radiates to the outside and makes a man far more attractive than one who's plucked his eyebrows and whitened his teeth.

Q: What are some of the essential ingredients of a manly man?

Brett: It's a mixture of character traits and practical skills. Self-reliance, courage, loyalty, and personal responsibility come to mind when I think of manly men.

Kate: I would add resiliency and ambition. Many men today seemed controlled by their emotions rather than the other way around.

Q: Does a manly man talk about his feelings?

Brett: Sure! I don't think anybody wants to go back to the days where men were cold, stony, and distant.

Q: Does a manly man cry at movies?

Brett: Of course. The ending of Saving Private Ryan? I still cry like a baby every time I see it.

Kate: Well, I think there are some important caveats. I don't think anyone really wants to see a guy blubber after watching Beaches.

Q: Can a manly man be a stay-at-home dad?

Brett: Definitely. Just think about the opportunities a stay at home dad has to be manly everyday. He's raising his kids to be productive citizens and he can do home improvement projects around the house.

Q: Does a manly man sleep around?

Brett: I don't think so. A manly man has self-restraint and self-control.

Q: You advise men to quit the porn. Was that Brett's idea or Kate's?

Brett: That was my idea, actually. I've known a lot of men who have been adversely affected by porn. It's warped their conception of women to the point where they can't have a meaningful relationship with a real woman.

Kate: Porn also makes a lot of women feel like crap. When their man's sneaking off to watch an Internet video instead of initiating sex with them, it's hard for them not to feel that they can't measure up.

Q: Do you think it's possible to get men to quit consuming porn? It's a pretty big market out there, and there doesn't seem to be the same sense of outrage and opposition to it that there once was.

Brett: The idea that it's unavoidable and every man does it is bunk. I don't and I think I'm better off for it. It just takes some manly self-control and self-restraint, but it can be done.

Q: What are some of the things a manly man should be able to do? Should he be able to build a shelter in the wilderness? Tile a bathroom?

Brett: My goal is to be like my grandpa. That man could do everything: shoe a horse, make pancakes, clean a deer, clean a house, you name it and he could do it well. A man's goal should be to be as self-reliant as possible.

Q: You dedicate the book to William Hurst and George Novak, "members of the Greatest Generation and men who truly lived the art of manliness." Who were these men, and why did they make such an impression on you?

Brett: Those are our still-living grandfathers. George Novak is Kate's grandfather. William Hurst is my grandfather. He's 94 and he's still going strong. He's charming, rugged, funny, and he can still whip you at arm wrestling.

Q: One of the most intriguing suggestions you make is for men to reclaim the association between manliness and virtue? Can you elaborate on that?

Brett: Modern men seem obsessed with being cool, hip, cynical, and jaded. We're just trying to bring back the idea that being manly means living a full and virtuous life.

I agree with SOME of what is written here.Alot of guys my age aren't very manly men. They spend MORE time on grooming and would rather call in a handyman or garden service instead of doing that type of things themselves.

I hope I find a hands on man who dont mind getting dirrty, these metrosexuals aren't my type of guy.

If I read the word "manly" one more time, I'll puke!

However--the part about "that inner core of manly goodness"? I LOLed!

Same here!

I'd say all this "manly man" stuff is in the same vein as the Promise Keepers and those "recover our masculinity" retreats. The premise being that the evil feminists have taken away men's masculinity by asserting their right to their fair share of the proverbial pie. Whether or not anyone comes out and says it (and often they do come out and say it), that's the presumption.

And men don't have to choose between being "manly" and being the "metrosexual" sort, any more than women have to choose between being tomboys and being Barbie dolls. There's lots of room for in between.

I think it just depends on what your idea of "masculine" is. If your guy can make you shiver when he puts his hands on you, but isn't the most handy of men, does that make him less "manly"? I can't ever see my guy building something or playing sports or any of those things, but I still think of him as masculine.

You right Row, it all boils down to preference and how you perceive "manliness"

So I hope my post didnt cause any offense because what what I said.

For me... A guy bent under my sink with his tool strap on fixing my pipes is so much more of a turn on that say a guy who's hair is all styled, manicured nails and body oiled. Not to say the latter is less manly to the next woman.


Just like GT pointed out about women the "barbie type" and the "tomboy type" both are still "womenly" in their own right.

Oh, I hear ya! I love a good manly handiman as much as the next gal, there's something innately and inherently sexy about a guy who's good with his hands

It just turned out that my guy is good with his hands in an artistic way....:D But I getcha about the manicured, styled, uses-as-many-products-as-a-woman kinda guy. Not my thing AT all.

I don't know, maybe it's just me....

....but blogging about "the art of manliness" just doesn't seem very manly to me.

Maybe it's another example of that old saying.... "those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." No offense to the teachers among us.

Although he's not big and brawny, I think my hubby is pretty manly. Last night he came home from building bridges and changed the oil in my truck. At the same time, a neighbor started leaf-blowing his yard across the street. Hubby finished the oil change, got out his over-powered blower (part of his super-duper shop vac) and blew the leaves off our yard (neighbor still wasn't finished). Finished that came inside and said "HA! Just kicked Juan's butt blowing leaves!" He then built a fire in our wood burning stove from wood he cut and split and stacked himself. Oh yeah, he installed the wood stove years ago by himself too.

He's not particularly sensitive and doesn't want to talk about feelings and stuff. He considers dressing up wearing a "good" t-shirt. But he'll hug the dog and kiss the cat.

I think he's pretty manly.

I don't think either the super brawny or the super styled, manicured nails, clean shaven type is my type at all. I prefer closer to androgynous. Maybe because I'm closer to androgynous myself.

Mine is very gentle and affectionate, wears his hair long (that started as an act of teenage rebellion and became part of his personality), loves to cook, and also loves to tinker with his cars and truck, collect animal bones, carve wood, and do handyman sorts of things. He doesn't fit either of the extremes. And as Row put it, if your guy makes you shiver when he puts his hands on you, he's plenty manly!

And no, Tally, nothing you said was offensive at all.

In the past the guys I've been with have been guys who could build a deck (my ex did just that), change oil in a car, start a fire while camping, etc. My BF now is nothing like that. He hates sports, we pay someone to take care of our yard, I had to show him how to check tire pressure and I'm the one who drags out the tools when anything breaks. But I'm okay with that too. I was raised to be self-sufficient and I don't mind doing those things myself. Would I be happy if he were slightly more handy? Definitely. But I love him for who he is and this is the man I'm in love with.

Is anyone really attracted to the super-styled, overly made up look? I mean, men or women... I don't really think it is that its 'unmanly' that makes this unattractive, but rather that its 'unnatural'. I rather like my boyfriend's natural scent and wouldn't want it covered up by cologne or Axe or anything else. I think that 'overly groomed' thing is more something people do for the outside world to maintain an appearance and not something many people actually require in a partner. It would be a lot of pressure to always look cultivated and clean even in your intimate relationships.

I am very handy but it's because I happen to be good at that and like to do things myself. As I've gotten older and have more money and less time, I pay others to fix my car and keep my yard nice. I also care about personal hygiene but I am not a metrosexual.

The point of the blog is more about a man's character and focus.

A Wall Street banker who's in the business to get rich and screw grandma out of her pension isn't manly, but one who is there to build a business and help improve the system might be. Likewise, a blue collar guy who is handy and helps families unclog their drains on Thanksgiving might be, but if he abuses his family or is a jerk to his neighbors then he's not manly.

I have a job some would consider to be manly. But I also cried at the end of Beaches...

Good point, and we've lost that focus in this discussion.

In and of itself, there's certainly nothing wrong with saying a real man has good character and has his priorities straight. But there are still underlying sexist assumptions. For one thing, he stereotypes and dismisses metrosexuals... still acting on the assumption that a man shouldn't run the risk of being too feminine.

And it doesn't make sense to tie good character to gender, either. Character and focus are a matter of basic humanity, not about being a man. Indeed, many who embrace this idea about men make it out that a good man has the traits that go along with a good human being--and for a woman, being good and moral is more about being sexually pure and properly submissive than about basic human morals.

I don't know if the bloggers here would say that about women, but they are playing to that underlying assumption--more in what they don't say than in what they do.

I think we're returning as a culture to that which is truly manly but reinterpreted for the modern age. And also to that which is womanly - or ladylike.

I love the way women age - gorgeous, with the wisdom of a life experienced etched slowly into in their faces. More celebrities are eschewing plastic surgery and keeping the warmth in their eyes as they age gracefully into the truly beautiful, natural Crones they deserve to be.