Oh yeah, and even though everything I read says don't bother charting while doing IVF because it's totally pointless I still want to! lol! I sort of feel like I have been charting for that long, I am determined that one day I will see myself have a BFP chart, not matter how screwed up it looks because of all the meds! So I am still finding myself taking my temps every day even though I can't ttc myself. Crazy lady

lol, it's become a habit, huh mel? But it'll be cool to see those temps stay UP after the transfer!

Yep, I guess that old habits die hard. lol! I will probably take my temp forever!!!!!! But I sure do want to see a BFP chart! Damn it, after all the money I have spent on FF they owe me one!

I feel like screaming and banging my head against the wall right now. Over on another forum I belong to, three different women have gotten pregnant this week who did not want to and were not trying to. One says she was using a diaphragm, spermicide, and condoms, yet just had a positive test today. Another one is on birth control of some sort. The other one had her tubes tied four months ago. Seriously, WTF?!!!! I can't even buy a successful pregnancy and here all these people who are not trying and not interested in kids now are pregnant! Life is so ridiculously cruel, I swear!!!! I will just never understand why some women have to have so many fertility issues and other women can just look at their partner across the room and end up pregnant. Grrrr!!!!!!!

Yeah lol I'm looking forward to it to ladies! I feel funny today, and have dull cramps in my ovary/uterine area..AF?? Ohh where art thou? I'm buying my digital tomorrow to reassure there is no BFP, as I keep getting shadow lines on ALL of my dollar store tests..so just to make sure. If BFN I will be buying my Provera tomorrow, Either way it isnt crushing..lets just hope for a BFP on the monitored cycle...as this may be my last cycle for a long time. I'm thinking of actually saving up for IVM (crazy huh?) lol..I just feel that once I have enough cash for it it will be an option here for me, and be a lot safer with my pcos. Either way If i can i'm giving it another 3 months to try..Anyways..Beth...I can't wait for your upcoming cycle, I have good feelings lately...so many people are becoming pregnant that i know..pretty sure i'm the only one who ISNT lol. sigh. Mel...do you know your transfer date? Excuse my ignorance...i read back a bit, but couldnt find it..i know somewere in december?

Bunny i TOTALLY Understand! All of these women and people around me are either pregnant, or have just recently had children...and they all don't deserve such a thing right now...sounds harsh yes..but GRRRR. I have a crushing feeling...in my heart everytime i hear it. 5 of my friends are, my cousin is, my DFs sister (turned out true the second time she claimed pregnancy lol) my sister in law..just everyone...and 4 of df's friends. Its heartbreaking ((hugs)) i seem to hold a grudge on those who are preggo for a while..until the last few months and i get excited for them, its weird

I actually can't stand being around my friends at all if they have their kids with them or if they talk about their kids or if they are pregnant. They at least understand this so know how to act around me, crazy or not. I also have to fight off the overwhelming urge to punch SO in the face when he starts talking about his friends' kids if he spends time with those friends. He always plays with the kids and comes home telling me how cute they were, everything they can do, et cetera. I feel like he's mocking me somehow, which is also a bit irrational. I've been TTC off and on since I was 20, so just under 9 years now. So far I've had 5 miscarriages totalling 8 angels, ectopic blighted ovum 2 times, 2 chemical pregnancies. Where's my miracle??? I must not have been there the day it came knocking. No one I know personally has any sort of fertility issues either. Even ones who were diagnosed with a problem had no issues getting pregnant. Two friends have endometriosis and they each have at least three kids. Another one has PCOS and has gotten pregnant and had four kids without any sort of medical intervention beyond metformin. Another one's husband has a very low sperm count and one testicle (we call him the "one nut wonder" behind his back, LOL) and they've had two kids. For the life of me I just can't understand why me. At least it helps to find other women with fertility issues as well, not the "fake" ones who whine that they haven't gotten pregnant after three months of trying. I just want to laugh at them. Seriously, only three months of trying and discouraged already? LOL

Hey BG and Michelle...I feel your pain.

Not sure you two are aware but my older sis (just turned 40) had 5 children of which she didn't raise most of them...had her tubes untied when she was 37 (I had mine untied a few months later but am the one that told her about it etc). She has high blood pressure was about 50lbs over weight now like 100lbs...and got pg 9 months later had GD but all was well in the end and had a beautiful baby girl...then in Jan had and EP and ruptured tube...only to get pg again a few months later (boy this time).

And here I sit 35 (3 kids) when my tubes were untied...had an EP 8 months later...found out both tubes were blocked a year ago. In April had my tubes repaired AGAIN...got pg had a m/c and had 6 cycles since and nothing...

I'm totally frustrated and w/o insurane have no idea what to do or how...but now coming up on the 8 month mark from the second surgery and scared I don't know what condition my tubes are in an with a crystal ball is the only way I would be able to find out.

I am very thankful for the 3 children I have but my current DH has none of his own and after 10yrs together I really wanted to seal the deal with a family of our own since next summer when my youngest goes to boot camp we will have an empty nest...

(sigh)

Maybe my problem is that I actually have a job and insurance? I should be unemployed and on welfare. Then maybe I'll be able to get pregnant and have it stick! It seems that if you are responsible you suffer, but if you are useless and mooch off society you have an overabundance of fertility.

Omg girl you sound just like me...I am even super jealous of my sis

Her and her husband both work and they live in my house and are stiffing me the unemployed one on rent...

So in a messed up way...I get upset and feel like I'm supporting her family or however you want to word it...it just is killing me!

BunnyGirl, I hear your pain! I am SOOOOO with you and all of this! Love the comment about having a job and insurance, lol. You're in good company here -- this is all stuff we've felt and thought at one time or another.

Had acu again last night. I had a bruise on my belly, below the belly button, from the session on Wednesday, as well as a bruise inside my left ear. She always loves bruises and gets excited about them, but she got really excited about the belly bruise, saying that I had never had one in that spot, only ones more on the sides. Anyway, when she was doing the abdomen needles she was saying she felt resistance which is normal, but that it was releasing very quickly. Evidently this is good, lol. So I told her about the supplements. She was supportive and agreed that while they may not help, they probably won't do any harm.

Totally off-topic, but I upgraded my IE this week and now my computer is soooo slow! I have to type without looking at the screen because nothing shows up. 30 seconds later it'll type what I just typed. incredibly annoying -- and hard to correct typos. Wish I could figure out what is bogging it down!

Michelle, DITCH THE DOLLAR STORE TESTS!!! LOL!

Excuse my earlier posts...I said I wasn't going to let it get to me enough to post about it and actually was going to try not to think about it either as it's still quite mean...

I apologize

if you can't vent here, where can you vent? No apologies necessary.

Its ok Ladies...we've ALL been and still are going through this anger and hate towards those who have children or are pregnant. My heart feels crushed all over again thinking about it..cause today was my big BFN (bought and equate from walmart)..so I took my first hit of provera wooo. Off to a positive cycle I hope..ohh dear i'm crying now. Not sure why, i'm just excited for this. As well as everyone else coming so close, and improving so much lately too.

And that was a funny comment about the welfare thing...made me giggle..and is SO SO SO true in my city...everyone I know is either 18 or under, jobless and on welfare, or a hardcore partier that refuses to grow up..sadly, we sit here...even me being 20 (i like to think my head is on more straight than most people my age) i dont party..i dont do drugs..i stay at home, I work an alright job..and i sleep. UHhhg. Anywho whats new??

Hey, my hubby got laid off on October 30th, so maybe this is the "perfect" time for us right now? LMAO!

Michelle, I understand the tears. When my temp dropped a few days ago and AF showed up, I wasn't surprised, I KNEW we had no chance that cycle, but it still depressed me....alot. Still a bit of a wait for you, hopefully a just a short one, but then you can start your monitored cycle. I always love a Plan. It's easier to be hopeful when there's a Plan.

I hadn't even told Jen this yet, but when I saw my acu dr. yesterday, she asked how I was....and asked how my mood was. That caught me off-guard. Well, I guess she picked up on I wasn't dealing with stuff well recently. I don't know if she hit any mood points, but I do feel better. But I also am moving forward again, so that makes it easier.

I agree with you Michelle. I don't go out and party unless SO drags me along to some special occasion with his friends, and even then I don't have more than one drink if I do drink. I don't smoke or do drugs and find them repulsive. I have a good job (unless the hospital decides to get rid of my department, grrr!!!!) and I can do it from home if I have kids. Yet for some reason I've been "blessed" with all these fertility issues. It makes me wonder why I ever tried to prevent in the first place (albeit these were short periods of time) considering the way things have gone. I know one of these months has to be my lucky one, but I've been saying that for 9 years now, so it's losing it's effectiveness in cheering me up.

I keep thinking if I don't bother to chart I won't work myself all up about the possibility of being pregnant, but not charting only made it worse, and I'd still catch myself checking my CM and cervix throughout the day, even if I could manage to not take my temperature. Then I'd go crazy wondering what my temperature was doing and if I ovulated. I keep saying this, but I think I am really going to force myself to not test until AF is two or more days late in the hopes that it will save me from being upset if I see negatives and/or get AF right away like in the case of my two chemical pregnancies. I don't know if I'll be able to do it or not, but hopefully I will. I'm starting to run out of my mega-pack of 10 miu tests I got off ebay (100 tests I think), so that might make it easier if I have to make a special point of going out and spending money on tests. LOL

Awww ladies I know how you all feel, I really really do and at some point or another I think we have all said things along the same lines. It IS unfair and I don't know what the answer is. Thats why I am so gratefull for this Forum, and in particular this section of the forum, where we can speak quite freely about it and vent when we need to.

I am so glad to hear that you all feel the same way I do about pregnant women. Seriously, I catch myself glaring at pregnant women. I don't mean to.
My cousin's wife is due tomorrow. They are having a boy. Everyone in my family is talking about it. How cute he will be, how wonderful they will be with him, how cute the mom is. IT MAKES ME SICK! I skipped the baby shower but sent a gift. Now, Thanksgiving is coming up. The baby will be brand new. Everyone with ouuu and ahhh over him. I don't think I can handle it. Is it terrible to spend Thanksgiving with my dh's family instead? My dh will be out of town, so I'd be going without him to either place- his family's house or my family's house?
I feel like i'm being a brat about it. LIke I need to grow up. But, my heart hurts so badly.

Andrea,

I would just to make you feel better..why should you have to have the pain you feel daily and then have to grin and bare the day of supposed happiness when you can go to his family's house and just be able to enjoy the day with your normal limit of pain that you deal with...sorry if that isn't quite explanatory but I hope it's somewhat understandable...

((((((((((LADIES)))))))))))

~Jen

When I see a pregnant woman, I try to put a positive spin on it and tell myself that I'm attracting what I want to be and the universe is giving me a sign of what will come. But even saying that, I skipped a baby shower myself this weekend. Another unplanned baby of an unmarried couple (sorry to pass judgement!).