I agree with both you ladies Novi, and Kerbear!

Yes, Whattodo we have all been there before, as long as you have a supportive bf and it sounds like you do he will understand. Just let him know it takes time, and you will be back you yourself in no time:) My bf would always give me backrubs even when he knew he was not going to get any, just to make him feel close to me! Whatever works or makes you feel good do that! It's just your hormones making you feel anxiety, it shall all be normal sooner than you think!

Good luck on your essay:)

Bitter: Hooray about your wedding! Let us know how the colostrum works!

Novi: I actually wondered about pregnancy myself, but I actually believed in my heart that I would be a horrible mother because I couldn't even take care of myself. I had myself convinced that I could never have kids. :o(

Quitting: I tried magnesium twice. Both times I got terrible diarrhea and dehydration and bad stomach cramping. If you decide to try it, be careful.

I often wonder if I will get post-partum depression. it scares me.

Kerbear: Has your boyfriend tried taking niacin daily? I started on it and a prescription of amitryptilin at the same time, so I'm not sure which is doing it for me, but I have heard that niacin works well for many people. It is over the counter and can be taken 500mg/day. I take it in the morning. If you tell him to try it, make sure he gets the kind that says "no flush" on it (otherwise he may experience flushing-feels like a really bad sunburn).

Danibear: I'm glad you have done a little bit of research. Just be careful. Pay attention to how you're feeling. You may feel just fine-we are different and our bodies may react differently. Stupid doctor though! GRRR.

Boy, you girls sure have been busy today!

I had myself convinced I could never have kids too. Luckily that anxiety has worn off by now. That's the thing with anxiety... it will make me focus on one thing for a week or two and then later on I look back and think, "why the hell was I so worried about that?"

I've worried that humans are all messed up and heading for doom because we use too much internet.
I've worried about my ex-boyfriends and regretting relationships.
I've worried a lot about "will I ever be able to have kids and be a proper woman and mother."
I've worried about my upbringing and "what did it do to me?"
I've worried about my mom and dad.
I've worried a lot about my health, but for obvious reasons.
And anytime someone is sad or depressed around me I worry that they are either on BC (lol) or they're gonna get anxiety too.

All totally, completely irrational. And I look back on what I worried about and now most of it is not even an issue to me, the anxiety just chooses something to fixate on in the moment. Right now its "do I have PCOS?" which at least is a LITTLE bit more rational of a worry :P

For me today was pretty much symptom free. No period still. I feel tired and feel like I'm just waiting all of this out. I feel like my hormones are just taking the day off or something. I scheduled a doctor appointment for Monday about the irregular periods. Will try to get hormone levels checked!!

OMG. Quitting! I laughed when I read your list! They are so similar to the things I worried about! I worried about my mom and dad constantly. I worried about why I wasn't a good person. I worried about school and wondered if I would ever be a good student. I worried about life in general and wondered why, if life is so short, does it have to be so hard. I worried about homeless people...for a while I convinced myself that they were homeless because of birth control and I was going to join them soon. OMG. Terrible stuff.

Glad you're doing better though.

Wow ladies - I worried about the same things! Especially about being a good person and my parents! It's crazy.

So... after 3 years on the pill (I know it's not long comparatively speaking, but it is long enough) I'm off of birth control. I mean I just didn't take my pill today, so today is day 1, but I'm done. I started this second cycle of Zovia and I just haven't been feeling good. I really don't want to start that vicious cycle over that I went through last year. I'm going to continue to take my multivitamin and flax seed oil. I also bumped up my gyno appointment to next Thursday (it was supposed to be May 16th, after 3 months of Zovia) so that we can discuss non-hormonal options.

I'm nervous to be on condoms only for now, but I figure it has to be better than feeling like crap. Anyone have any suggestions as to anything else I can use for birth control in addition to condoms? i.e. spermicide, etc.?

Thanks,
Alyssa

Congrats Alyssa! haha. I hope you'll be on your way to feeling better soon. I've never used spermicide, just been using condoms successfully since stopping. Your gyno will probably know a lot about non-hormonal options, I'd assume.

Thanks Quitting! I hope so too! I'm glad to hear that you've used condoms and they've worked! That's definitely the route me and my boyfriend will be taking for the next week at least!

How's everyone feeling?

Day three taking colostrum supplement tablets, still feel good nothing seems to have changed out of the ordinary that I am noticing but I will keep you all posted:)

Condoms are the way to go, use Durex Bare they are the closest to the real thing and they never break!!!! Trojans do, all the time. I did by spermicidal foam, but have not used it....I think it would be a pain! lol, so still unopened in my bathroom!

On another note, check out my blog I put some engagement photos of me and my fiance up! I could not get them onto the forum!!!

bitter b*tch- checked out your blog, and congrats on the engagements! The pics are amazing you guys look so adorable! Just seeing those pics gives me hope that me and my man will make it through this and it is but a stone in the way...Glad to keep track of your colostrum I am going to try and find some. Did u order it online or find it in a store?

Finally i get to rest, my boyfriends picking me up tonight after work and we got a hotel for the weekend to have a nice relaxing weekend. I think we need it, he lives and hour and a half away from me so weekends are our time! Last night i think we talked for like 2 hours and poured our hearts out, and cried, and laughed and i did have moments when i felt like myself again, then i just got back into this hole and all these irrational thoughts came floating....

A quote i found on this site yesterday was
A thought is irrational if it goes against ones innate desire for happiness

It really stuck to me, i'm trying my hardest to fight my inner demons and get rid of these thoughts!

Congratulations, Alyssa. I hope this makes everything betterfor you. :o)

Bitter-I just looked at the pictures! You guys are adorable! I love the pics! Congratulations and thank you for sharing!

Whattodo: I love that quote. It is so true. I hope we can all keep that in mind.

Kimberjean....This is too funny!!!

Alyss,

Congrats on coming off the pill! Condoms aren't soo bad, but make sure you chart your cycles that will help you avoid pregnancy too.

Bitter,

Great pics of you and your lovey! and love the blog!

Whattodo,

I second Kimberjean, that is a great quote. It reminds me of a book I'm reading called You Can Be Happy No Matter What by Richard Carlson. I highly recommend reading it!

I hope everyone had had a good day! My day has been pretty nice so far. I'm very lovey towards the boyfriend! Had kind of a hard day at work, and have a headache, but I am decompressing now. One wierd thing...I tried to eat a banana again today after staying off of them for a week, and I'm still getting heartburn from them. Its so wierd, up until a month ago I used to eat a banana a day for as long as I can remember and never ever had heartburn. Hmmm.....

Wishing all you ladies a fabulous weekend! Today was an ok day, had my ups and downs but that's probably because I pretty much sat in my dorm room half the day which enabled my thoughts to get the best of me! Currently waiting for the boyfriend to pick me up, we have a little weekend escape and are going to a hotel until sunday so i'm looking forward to that. Hopefully I can relax, and try my best to love him the best I can with everything happening! Will fill you guys in, please pray that I can stay positive and have some good feelings this weekend to reassure me that everything will be alright!

hey ladies

alyssa --great news u r stopping bc !

------------i will read everyones post and catch up today

so i am still on bio-prog. today and tomorrow i will not be taking it per the instructions. then sunday i will decrease dosage. then increase dosage back to what i was taking for 2 weeks b4 my period starts.

this is suppose to mimick how your normal progesterone flows.

so sunday will b 2 weeks on.

i did take a mood dip b4 period like i always do, but it seemed not as severe and did not last for days and it normally does. i am taking it as a sign the bio-prog is doing something.

so far i have only spotted,so i wonder if it will even come this time ??

i have felt less anxiety since starting bio-prog.

it is still with me and still experiance the intrusive thinking, but that is less as well.

of course i was hoping for complete recovery, but have only been on 2 weeks and i guess i need to get real. i guess it is frusterating cause i have heard everything from better in 3 days to 3 months. grrrrrrrrr

will i ever b one of those better in (incert short time) ladies ?

i do know i will be findind a new dr for my hormonal issues.

my dr seemed great in the beginning with the whole bc issue.

then when i got my hormones tested and discovered i was low on progest she seemed indifferent and was explaining to her the symptoms that were still lingering around she gave me the vibe that i should consider taking "other meds"

what she said was keep an open mind for other meds. grrrrrr

and as i said b4 she gave me no real info on the bio-prog. i got that info from the pharmacist who was super helpful and informative. ( her own dght takes them) the pharmacist said stick with them for a month and after that discuss any issues i am still having and we can start tweaking it.

i am mainly having still anxiety issues (racy heart at times,shackyhands, and of course the overthinking)

which ladies rest assured is all part of the anxiety.

i do still periods of sadness which of course is all still linked to the anxiety. sadness that this is as good as its gonna get, never gonna b me again, bla bla bla

i am taking my multi-vit still. and taking the amoryn and seradyn. i am almost out of those 2 and after i am out will stop . i kinda juts want to do the bio-prog alone and give my body a chance.

oh i will still take multi-vit

please b carefull with adding vitamines and such and do not over due them

i decided to add a magnesium supp to my regimine and got sick the next day. (naseau and diarrea)

my multi-vit already had mag and also my seradyn had mag in it.

bla ! not good. so of course i stoppped taking that.

have managed to take usually 1 xanax pill per month. (period time) i break them in half so i took one the first day i felt sad and anxious and the other half the next morn when my heart felt very racy.

i use to feel bad for taking them, like i was "giving in"
or something. but i dont feel that way any more.

if it helps, then it helps. and i am ok with that.

i have also started reading a program called "panic away"
it has helpful tools on panic attacks and anxious thinkning.

i will post some of that later. i am off to walk and will be back and post some of the good pieces on the anxious thinking.

----------
much love ladies
clark

Kerbear: Thank you!

Whattodo: Have a fabulous weekend with your honey. Try to leave all of this crap at home.

Clark: Yes, YOU WILL be one of those women who is better in _______days. Soon. Soon. I also have very shaky hands and arms. I also noticed yesterday that when I was trying to sit still and read, my body was swaying a lot from front to back. I tried to control it, but couldn't.

I feel alittle nervous this morning. I was so tired last night that I was falling asleep in my anatomy book. I slept until 8:45 this morning, but went back to sleep for another half hour. I made myself get up because the pest control guy was coming to spray. While I was sleeping, I was dreaming of being tired and going back to sleep. Now that I'm up, I feel very little motivation and a bit anxious about the busy day to come.

Does anyone know a way to tell if you're ovulating? I was just wondering if perhaps I'm feeling wierd because I am ovulating. My last period started on March 22nd. Seems like the timing would be right. (plus I'm beraking out bad).

Have a great day ladies. Don't stop believing!

One more thing: I'm seriously thinking about the whole "we survived birth control withdrawal" party/meet up we talked about a while back. Serioulsy, when we all get better, we need to meet up and drink a toast to our health and have some fun. I'm in Miami, Florida but depending on the timing, could travel somewhere else. Maybe a central location for all of us? I know money is tight for everyone, but if we could pull it off I think it would be well worth it. :o)

A lot of people with generalized anxiety write to tell me how their anxiety makes
them feel cut off or removed from the world around them. This sensation can be
distressing, because people then fear that they’ll never be able to feel normal
again. This feeling is common and, in my experience, is caused by a cycle of
anxious thinking. People with anxiety disorders spend much of their day mentally
“checking in”—checking to see how their mind and body feel at any given moment:
Am I feeling okay?
How are my thoughts?
Am I feeling secure or on edge right now?
Regular “checking in” happens because anxiety has such a powerful effect on the
mind and body. Often people report that they can deal with the anxious bodily
sensations, but it’s the anxious mind that causes them the most distress.
Anxiety can make people feel like a thick fog has surrounded their minds. Nothing
really seems enjoyable as they look out at the world through this haze of anxious
thoughts and feelings. The fog steals the joy out of life, and it can make people feel
very cut off from everything.
The anxious thoughts act like a barrier to the world, and this sensation of
separation then causes people to feel even more upset because they feel they’re
losing touch with everyday reality. The following exercises demonstrate how to end
mental anxiety.

Unwanted Anxious Thoughts
People who experience anxiety and panic attacks frequently have to deal with the
negative side effects of unwanted anxious thoughts. These thoughts can range from
worries about health, concern over loved ones, or even fears that don’t make any
rational sense at all but continue to linger in the mind. Sometimes, unwanted
anxious thoughts come from previous experiences; other times, they’re simply
bizarre, leaving people worried as to why such strange thoughts occur. In all of
these cases, people are upset because the anxious thoughts cause distress and
worry. Over the next few pages, I’ll guide you through a simple two-step process
that’s specifically tailored to deal with anxious thinking.