A new University of Michigan (UM) study that analyzed long-term relationships found that while our relationships with children and best friends tend to become less negative as we age, we're more likely to see our spouses as irritating and demanding. But viewing our spouses more negatively over time may not be all bad contends UM researcher Kira Birditt. In fact, she thinks it might even be positive. "As we age, and become closer and more comfortable with one another, it could be that we're more able to express ourselves to each other. In other words, it's possible that negativity is a normal aspect of close relationships that include a great deal of daily contact," explains Birditt
For the analysis, Birditt and her colleagues looked at individual changes over time and also at differences among people at different stages in life — young, middle-aged and older adults. The participants were asked about the negativity of their relationships with three key people in their lives: their spouse or partner, a child, and a best friend. Specifically, they rated the extent to which they agreed or disagreed with the following two statements about each relationship: "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) gets on my nerves" and "My (spouse/partner, child, friend) makes too many demands on me."
Interestingly, older adults (age 60-plus) had the least negative relationships with spouses, children and friends. According to Birditt, this finding is consistent with other research showing that older adults are likely to report less conflict than do younger adults in their relationships. The participants in their 20s and 30s reported having the most negative relationships overall.
For all age groups, the spousal relationship was seen as the most negative and it tended to increase in negativity over time. "The increases in negativity over time may be indicative of learned patterns of interaction which have been reinforced and tend to persist over time," Birditt said. "How we respond to negativity in close relationships affects every aspect of our lives - at work and at home. In fact, it's likely that how we deal with it - not whether it exists - is what really matters."
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Source: University of Michigan
