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 Ask Aphrodite
Counsellor Charmaine Saunders is available to help with advice on relationship matters and issues affecting your love life. You can email Charmaine and each week she'll answer reader's questions on this page. You can also take advantage of Charmaine's experience in providing real solutions to life's difficulties with personal online counseling. You might also like to visit the Dating Doctor for more relationship advice.
Sorry I Lost Her
March 2, 2010
Q. I had a break up with my girlfriend and it's been 9-10 months. We are not in touch with each other, and the concern over here is, I am still not able to forget her. In retrospect, if I share my experience, it would be somewhat unbelievable to imagine that we could ever break up in life; there was so much love between us. We broke up after spending more than 2 years with each other and I am responsible. Following are the reasons by which she took that decision.
- She lost trust in me as to whether I was committed or not and if I would marry her or not.
- She was pissed off with my temper.
- I started doubting on her.
- Not respecting her, while I believe I always respected her.
Though I shared all my negative traits to you, however lots are there which I don't remember. After that I convinced her a lot that I will not repeat the same, but she was not convinced and she broke it off. I am not able to concentrate on my job and other things. I love her a lot and I can't forget her.
Suggest me some ways to forget her... please!
A. It's not about forgetting her but obviously it may not be your choice whether she wants to try again or not. It's to your credit that you are able to be so candid about your failings but no relationship ever ends because of one partner. Own your own stuff and resolve to improve your behavior, especially as you now have the benefit of hindsight. I advise you to work on these problem areas that you've identified. Once you feel more confident about yourself, she may give you another chance. It has been a long time so don't expect too much. True love never dies but being in a relationship involves more than love alone. Focus on yourself for a while. You have some work to do around trust and anger management.
Want to get Serious
February 3, 2010
Q. I have been dating this girl for 5 months and talked about becoming serious. She said not yet, she thinks I still need to play and experience life but I really like her and think my life is crappy without her. I want her to be my serious girlfriend - what do I do?
A. I wish you had said your age because if you're quite young, your girlfriend could be giving you good advice. What I don't understand is if you've already been dating for 5 months, what else are you looking for? She obviously likes you so perhaps you're being a bit impatient. Getting engaged at this stage would be premature and if you push it, you might lose her altogether. Never say that your life is "crappy" without someone. It's your life and entirely your responsibility to make it good or otherwise. All you can ask of another person is to share it with you. Also, it's always good to have enjoyed your freedom before getting tied down. Focus on that, keep seeing the girl but don't attempt to tie the future down too firmly. Life has a way or tripping you up if you do that.
(Click here to view the Ask Aphrodite Q & A from 2009.)
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