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 The Dating Doctor
The Dating Doctor, Serena Mackesy, brings her hard-won dating wisdom to bear on your problems. You can drop Serena a line about your own dating conundrums and catch up with her words of wisdom here every week. Read her latest advice here.
Women Who Have "It"
December 19, 2006
Noelle writes:
Why do some quite ordinary women seem to have "it" when better-looking women don't get noticed at all? Is it pheromones or something?
I don't really know. Nobody does. If we did, we'd all be doing it. But here's a little experiment you can try out. I learned it on a hypnosis course years ago, and the times I've remembered to try it, it's proven to be remarkably potent.
You've probably heard of a body language called "mirroring". Mirroring is, basically, when two people in sympathy with each other start moving their bodies in the same way: when one crosses a leg, the other will do the same, and so forth. You see it all the time, and its converse, when people are out of sorts with each other. People use it all the time, unconsciously; it's a fast-track way of establishing intimacy.
The thing is, people are far more aware of what's going on in their general environment than they realize, and you can use this to your advantage. If you see someone on the other side of the room whose attention you want to attract, don't look at them. I mean, obviously, you need to see what they're doing, but don't make it obvious.
Instead, start mirroring them. When they run their fingers through their hair, do the same. If they fold their arms, do the same. If they gesticulate, move your hand in the same way. When they take a drink, take a drink yourself. But don't look in their direction. I've tried it myself, and watched other people try it, and, far more often than not, the object of your attention will start, after a while, glancing in your direction. They will have no idea why you have caught their attention, but the likelihood that they will come over to you at some point and ask if they know you from somewhere is surprisingly high. A warning, though: you'd better be ready with your excuses if they do, because you have no idea what sort of bore you're going to have picked up until they open their mouth.
Read Serena's latest advice here.
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