The Dating Doctor
The Dating Doctor, Serena Mackesy, brings her hard-won dating wisdom to bear on your problems. You can drop Serena a line about your own dating conundrums and catch up with her words of wisdom here every week. Read her latest advice here.
How Many Dates Before You Seep With Someone?
November 28, 2006
How long is a piece of string?
I know all the advice is that you should never, ever, do it on the first date, that being too "easy" lowers your value in the marketplace and so forth, but that advice is predicated on the assumption that all men divide women into "marriageable" and "sluts". It is also predicated on the assumption that, in the twenty-first century, all sexual encounters between men and women involve the woman longing for it to turn into Something Big.
Neither of which is true.
The truth is, many, many people are in happy, long and stable relationships with people they had sex with long before they actually went on a date, and many, many women have spent months rigorously applying The Rules and demanding to be treated like a princess only to find that they've invested all that time in someone with whom they were totally sexually incompatible. Sex, while being one of the most enjoyable pursuits on offer, is also a messy, undignified, largely instinctual business. Or at least, it is when you're doing it right. Inject too much gravitas into the melee and it can be hard to recover.
There are no hard-and-fast rules to any of this. Unless, obviously, you've got religious scruples, sex is unique to the individual, and if you have to follow someone else's prescription as to when or how you choose to do it, then you probably need to take a long hard look at your own decision-making skills. Someone who is comfortable having sex with people they barely know is unlikely to be much fun for someone who is less easy with it. And vice-versa. The only real thing against being too speedy is the potential for sweaty embarrassment when you realize that you've allowed someone who laughs like a hyena and believes in the compulsory repatriation of foreigners to get his hands on your twinkle.
Read Serena's latest advice here.