5 March 2007
Keeping Sex Fresh
by Charmaine Saunders
Okay, let's be honest - even sex can get boring, especially if it's with the same person day after day and in particular, if you don't vary things a bit. Would you want to eat chocolate mousse for dessert every day for the rest of your life? And yet, people often think of having sex in the missionary position as "normal" and do it that way every time without respite. But it's not just positions that count. There are many factors which help to create surprise, fun, spontaneity and excitement in sexual relations. Let's look at some of them.
The most important sex organ is the mind. That's where arousal begins and ideas are generated. So, let your mind get down and dirty! It‘s fun and helps a lot to take love-making out of the ordinary and into the realms of fantasy, ecstasy, and even the bizarre if you wish. Only you know your own mind, so allow it free rein. Try not to monitor or judge your thoughts even if they seem a bit "off" or unusual. After all, you don't have to live out your fantasies - in fact, a fantasy lived out is a fantasy lost. Some things you may want to try out; others, you might prefer to enjoy in the privacy of your own thoughts. So, just be open to this area of sexual expression and it'll be a good start.
Let your partner in on some of these ideas. If they don't want to try them out, that's fine, but just talking about them can be very arousing. Also, honesty about what you're thinking creates true intimacy. Ask your partner to experiment and tell them what you want, for example, if you fancy trying anal sex for the first time or if you want to try out a particular sex aid. If you don't ask, you won't know. A lot of people find it hard to talk about sex and especially asking for what they want in bed. We're not all the same - just as some of us are more verbal and clear, others can be shy and more introverted. That's where videos and sex games can help a lot in breaking down inhibitions.
Make a point of trying something new regularly. If you live busy lives and tend to have a "quickie" once a week or so, start setting time aside to just be together. Create a sensual sexual space and don't rush. Enjoy each other's bodies, play, experiment, talk openly about your feelings and desires. Don't wait for your partner to do all the initiating. Swap roles continuously - nothing is more stimulating! Sometimes, be the dominant one, at other times, be more passive, act out fantasies, dress up. Variety can come in the form of positions, the actual things you do in bed and of course, where you do it. Surprise your partner in the shower, phone him or her at work and talk dirty, wake up in the middle of the night, fondle your partner out of sleep and insist on sex right then! Maybe greet your partner at the end of the day dressed up in a PVC outfit or as a French maid then insist on wearing the outfit throughout the evening without any physical contact at all. Anticipation is half the fun! These are just suggestions but if you let your imagination run free, you'll come up with all kinds of activities and games that will put the spark back into a dull sex life.
Of course, it's best if you can keep your relationship exciting continuously rather than wait till it gets deathly dull and then try to gee it up. Often, when people see me for sexual dysfunction problems or difficulties in their marriage, it comes down to boredom, in the case of infidelity, for example. Sex doesn't have to be mind-blowing all the time but it should be satisfying to both parties and that takes a little bit of effort after the first heady days of lust and constant longing.
More reading about female sexuality:
Reconnecting With Your Sexuality
Where's The Sensuality?