"Love makes the world go round," the saying goes, but what is it really?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say I do actually think I know what it is. Unfortunately, I can't supply a one-line dictionary definition; in fact, it's going to take this entire article to explore the subject thoroughly as there are as many opinions and ideas about love as there are people on the planet.
But first, let's understand that what we might think consciously about something isn't necessarily our deep belief. For example, most people will say that love is caring, putting others first, giving of oneself. But if your own unconscious belief about love is that it traps and restricts you, for instance, your outward behavior and choices will approximate your inner belief more readily than any intellectual notion of love. So, let's start our exploration.
There are obviously many different types of love. Love of family is not the same as love of friends or love of country or love of books or love of children or love of spouse. Each one is unique and special and I believe we need a whole range of love-experiences in order to fulfill our potential for emotional and spiritual communication. But most especially we need to cultivate love of self. I say "cultivate" because self-love is largely frowned upon in our society and is generally conditioned out of us by the time we go to school.
Self-love is the foundation of all other loves. Yes, we've all heard that you can't love someone else till you've learnt to love yourself, and, of course, I agree, but what I'm talking about here is much more than that. It's deeply psychological and basic to our wellbeing at all levels. Why? Because love is energy, and nothing else. Can we see it or touch it or measure it? No, but we can certainly feel its effects and its influence on the world. We see it in the bond between mother and child, in patriotism, in inner-courage and strength, the cornerstones of true love, in comradeship in war, friendship that spans a lifetime, in an artist's dream that becomes reality on the page, the canvas, the music sheet, in the pure love of work and service.
If love is energy, it comes from within, from the deep recesses of the soul. It is all that is beautiful, pure and true about us. It has no life outside us; we project it out into the world and it has a boomerang effect but it doesn't flow from the other direction by itself. Does that shock you? It certainly goes against everything we're taught in the Western world, from popular literature to the media to our generational stories. What is the usual message of love? That we have to be the lucky recipients of this wonderful "thing"; and the smarter, better-looking and more perfect we are, the more "lucky in love" we're likely to be. But in truth, love has nothing whatsoever to do with such details. If love were "only for the lucky and the strong," no unattractive, damaged, disabled, unintelligent, weak, dull or rude person would ever be gifted with it.
Self-love is actually a redundant phrase for all love is self-love as it's energy we own and share, indiscriminately, as it happens, not selectively as is popularly believed.
What about romantic love? Unfortunately, it's an illusion, coming from a biological shift in hormones and conditioned responses to stimuli such as flattery, scent, peer pressure and sexual desires. Attraction isn't based on what we think it is; it has little to do with appearance, personality, height or eye color. There's a whole set of complex unconscious patterns going on that we are totally unaware of - until we choose to understand ourselves a bit better, and even then, we're never going to be 100 percent in charge. Unfortunately, we're still at the mercy of our emotional baggage, that arsenal of core beliefs that we carry from our childhoods.
So we blithely "fall in love" and only find out after the honeymoon period whether we've chosen from our love center or from what passes for love - romantic illusion. Our choices then are to cut our losses and run, or stay in an endless cycle of pain and disillusionment. If this all sounds very bleak, it's because it's all too familiar - I've been there, you've been there. Anyone who has participated in courtship, dating and love affairs or long-term relationships has been there. We certainly all want the magic of romance, but not for only six months and not as a substitute for love. Romance is the icing on the cake but love is the cake.
Love, along with creativity, joy and sexuality is part of our spiritual equipment, an integral part of our innate identity. So, when we come from that place and let the love within us shine out, it gives off an aura that is more attractive than any superb physique or stunning face. It literally draws people in. Perhaps that's what "charisma" is. Spiritual love is the love that transcends the mundane and the personal, encompassing all that we encounter. It is love with a capital "L" and it blesses everything it touches. It has the power to heal, to forgive, to bond, to bridge differences, to end conflict. In short, it is the greatest power on Earth. Every one of us owns this magic, all the time, and it never has to run out. No one can ever say they are unloved. How can you ever run out of something you own unconditionally inside you in infinite supply?
Some years ago I read a book which changed my thoughts about love. It was I Come As A Brother, by Bartholomew. He writes that love is something you are, not something you have. Here's a passage I want to share:
Love is your very essence, your very being and you have no control over it for it is what you are. It has been given to you by the source. You cannot do it, you cannot will it, and you cannot demand it. You already are love.
Love then is not limited, hard-to-get, selfish or earthbound. It is universal, miraculous and accessible. It is not a goal to be attained if you're lucky, resourceful or beautiful. It is the raw material of all happiness. Don't settle for brass, search instead for the gold within you. Then when you reach out to others, your relationships will reflect the joy of your positive choices instead of the negativity of your fear and self-defeat. None of this comes with a price tag, there are no entrance fees or set qualifications. All you have to do is allow it. It flows freely like a mighty river surging from an abundant source that is you.
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