There have been a ludicrous number of studies done on female libido, mostly coming to the conclusion that every kind of woman - whether they are pre-menopausal, pregnant, peri-menopausal, menopausal, or post-menopausal - has a low sex drive.
And what’s causing this apparent lack of desire to make whoopee? Well, we’re increasingly being told that it’s because we have a lower amount of the hormone testosterone than men. And the answer to this dilemma? Simple: give women testosterone.
I have two big problems with this line of reasoning. Firstly, just whose sex drive are these women with “low sex drive” being compared to? Other women with an average or a high sex drive? No, because no one really knows what an average female sex drive is. Unfortunately, the only thing we have to compare it to is men’s sex drive. Now, when you’re comparing a woman’s sex drive to that of a creature who relieves sexual tension through inanimate objects and pretty much anything that’s breathing, you’re always going to conclude that, “Yes, Virginia, women have a lower sex drive than men.”
Comparing the sex drive of men and women is like comparing apples and oranges. Cue lab-coated boffin: “Our extensive research shows that oranges have a thicker skin than apples, so we really need to do something about those apples to make their skin thicker.”
The second problem I have with this vast swathe of research and its dubious conclusion is; why should women be the ones to change? Yes, the difference in the sex drives of men and women can often cause problems in relationships, (just read the forums here) but why is it that women should work to artificially raise their sex drives? Why was this research not done on men, to work out why their sex drive was so abnormally high compared to women? And why did this research not then conclude that because there was such a disparity between the sex drives of men and women that men should take some concoction to lower their sex drive?
Instead of testosterone patches and herbal remedies for women, pharmaceutical companies might be better advised to start hawking estrogen patches for men; and packaging bromide tea to relieve that pesky “horny” feeling, kind of like a reverse horny goat weed. Testosterone patches for women are still in the development stages, while estrogen patches already exist. Pharmaceutical companies listen up; you could double your market overnight!
And what about violence? Testosterone, the male sex hormone, also happens to be the “rage” hormone and most perpetrators of violent crimes are men. In a study of homicides committed in the USA between 1976 and 1987, over 85 percent were committed by men. What would happen to the statistics for violent crime if men were wearing estrogen patches to get their sex drives more in synch with that of their significant others? Would they lament the cost of taking their shirt to the dry cleaners after some guy in a bar spilt beer over it instead of adding blood to the stain by head-butting him? Would they wine and dine their girlfriend in the hope of ending the evening with a nice back-rub and a cuddle, instead of plying her with alcohol in the hope of getting lucky?
Or would they turn into “momma’s boys”, who cry more at the end of the movie Gladiator than we do? And do we even want men who are more like women, or women who are more like men? As Shakespeare so eloquently put it, “Aye, there’s the rub.” By trying to bring women’s and men’s libidos closer to each other, are we merely masculinizing women and feminizing men?
By giving women testosterone supplements in an attempt to raise their libidos to match men, we’re not creating women who want to have more sex like a woman, we’re creating women who want to have more sex like a man. When women have sex, they want the emotional connection, they want to feel emotionally and physically needed and desired. When men have sex, it’s more about the physical than anything else. So testosterone supplements for women won’t necessarily improve their sexual experience, it’ll just make them want it more. Does that make sense? How does more sex equate to better sex?
You know what gets me turned on? The sound of a vacuum cleaner, when I’m not operating it. And the sound of a load of clean washing going around and around in the dryer, when I haven’t had to put it there. And walking into the bedroom to find the bed made, and towels hanging up in the bathroom, instead of lying in a soggy heap on the floor. That’s what gets me hot baby!
Now, I’m not saying I don’t like to go out to dinner, or a movie, or just spend some romantic time alone with my husband, but when those seemingly little, annoying, housework things are done, especially if they’re not done by me, it’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I can relax. Remember that episode from the first series of Desperate Housewives, when Bree tries to seduce Rex when he’s eating in bed? He places the food on the night stand, and as they’re getting hot and heavy, out of the corner of her eye, Bree sees the plate about to slide off the nightstand onto the floor. Although Rex begs her to let it go, she can’t, and grabs the plate before it falls. Annoyed that she couldn’t concentrate on just being with him, Rex gets up and storms out.
Now, although I’m by no means the perfectionist that Bree is, I would have done the exact same thing. I could not have let that plate slide onto the floor and ruin the carpet. If I had let it go, the entire time I was making out with my husband I would be thinking, “Damn, that’s going to stain! The longer it stays there the worse it’ll get,” and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself. I know that sometimes men can’t understand the link between housework and sex with women, but for me, if I have that niggling voice in my head saying “You need to do a load or laundry” or “Those dishes aren’t going to wash themselves,” there’s no way I can get in the mood for sex, regardless of what my hormone levels are.
For me, if the house is clean, the laundry is folded and the floors are washed, I’m red hot and ready to go. For my husband, well, as long as the house isn’t on fire, he’s pretty much set.
