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26 March 2007
Recapturing Passion
by Charmaine Saunders
What is passion? What fires us up and gets us out of bed each morning? If you struggle to answer this question, then it’s important that you read on. Passion is not only about sex - that’s a classic myth. We can be passionate about any number of things in life - the people we love, career, hobbies, travel, food, movies, animals, environmental causes - the list is endless. Passion is energy, excitement, emotion and ultimately - love. We tend to feel passion for the things we love most. As with love, sexuality, joy and creativity, if it’s difficult for you to experience passion, there’s probably a blockage somewhere. Let’s look at the possible reasons for not feeling passion and then look at some of the ways we can live life more passionately every single day.
Life without excitement would be pretty dull. A dull life feels like struggle, emptiness and futility. As a counselor, I’m dealing with these issues all the time and I’m constantly thinking of new, creative ways to access inner power. The pure magic of being in touch with the wellspring of joy, strength and wisdom that exists within each of us is always available but through childhood wounding, past hurts and layers of conditioned negative responses learnt over time, it’s possible to forget how truly wonderful we are, and by extension, how wonderful the gift of life is.
Those who are continuously bored with life are bored with themselves; they’ve lost that special spark that lightens the step and broadens the smile. Boredom deepens and the circle is complete. Day upon day, week after week, year following year - can you imagine the deadening effect of this attitude? Don’t let anybody convince you they’re happy being limited, depressed and cheerless. That’s just a defense mechanism; more denial to cover up the fact that they’re bleeding inside. When no strategy is apparent, it’s too scary to admit these feelings yet without admission and the right kind of surrender, there can be no healing. Pain IS the cure so we have to embrace the hurt of release, the terror of shedding old skin and the exhilaration of rebirth. Only then can we come alive to our senses and to a new life. In this new place, passion is a constant, a natural inheritance, an eternal gift.
Passion for People
When we first connect with someone, either as a new friend or a potential life-partner, we are literally over the moon. We can barely contain our excitement, our hearts race when we see them and we count the hours between meetings. We can’t get enough of the beloved. Experts now even say that our hormones change for the first few months of a new relationship. Then, as is normal in all human endeavors, novelty wears off and the mundane sets in. It’s easy for passion to become submerged, even forgotten. That’s why a lot of people end things before they really begin because the magic becomes obscured and romantic idealists cannot sometimes see the bigger picture. Passion, like a flower embedded in ice, can bloom again when the thaw comes. All we have to do is open our hearts. Passion, like love, never really dies but it sure can get stale and lose its luster. So, hang on tight to whatever excited you in the first place about the person you love most and all the other people close to you.
You can express your passion for others in many different ways; through sexual activity, words, in writing, in sharing time and space, through laughter, affection and joy. But remember passion is a free-flowing energy. If you try to hold on too tightly, you’ll stifle the very excitement you’re trying to generate. Trust the flow of passion in your life, be one with it and the fires will never go out.
Work
I read somewhere that a pension is what we get paid for being bored for 30 years. Well, I’m sorry, but there couldn’t be enough money in the world to compensate me for 30 years of boredom, suppression of enthusiasm and death of the soul. I’ve always been lucky that I’ve loved my work ever since I taught at my first school aged 23. But it’s more than luck too. It’s a life-choice which each one of us can make. I’m not saying everybody can have an exciting, fulfilling job. Some people do work just to earn money. If that’s the case with you, find other interests that stimulate your mind and quicken your heart.
Don’t just settle. Make the most of your work whatever it is; if there’s an opportunity to better yourself, grab it; take courses and classes just for your own advancement; read and talk and research; do something new every day. Passion is about variety and stimulation. Without this, you may as well be a robot counting down the hours of your existence. If that sounds grim, you can change it by altering your attitude. People who jump out of bed in the morning with a smile and a skip don’t have perfect or easy lives; they are simply the ones who believe in endless possibilities - "hey, another day and anything could happen. If it’s good, great; if it’s not, we’ll deal with it."
You can’t fake passion (all right, there’s one area where you can, but I’m not talking about that right now). You can fake enthusiasm but true passion has to be felt, in the sinews, in the blood, in the soul. A good rule of thumb with work is to find something you’re good at. If that’s cleaning toilets, then be the best darn toilet-cleaner around. Whether you are a plumber or a surgeon, you’re not going to do your job very well if you’re jaded, if your heart’s not in it. So, change your work if you truly hate it (life’s too short) or change your mind about it if you can’t switch jobs.
Interests
There are as many hobbies, interests and activities to create passion as there are people on the planet. What’s your thing - craft, dancing, gardening, animals, reading, sport? I had an interesting chat with a middle-aged woman serving me in a supermarket over Christmas. We got talking about cooking and she said she absolutely hated it and doesn’t know how her children ever made it growing up because she never cooked for them. I said cooking was creative, relaxing, most enjoyable - for me. She then proceeded to tell me she’s a landscape gardener in her spare time and can build just about anything in her house. What excites one person bores another rigid.
Some activities create passion more readily than others - good passion as in dancing and sometimes negative passion as in politics. Do not mistake passion for obsession. I know people who cannot do anything without overdoing - taking up a sport turns into a daily ritual that must be observed; a new friend must be contacted every other minute; a hobby must be accompanied by all the paraphernalia that comes with it. Being passionate is about living in the moment. Enjoy it as it surges but don’t let it take over your life. Visualize your life as you’d like it, and then make it happen. Becoming fanatical, fixated and rigid is about control - anathema to true passion.
Sex
Being passionate does not necessarily mean you have to be actively engaged in sexual activity or in a relationship. It’s about letting your sexual energy flow. When you’re open to life in all its facets, your passion will naturally be alive. If you have a sexual partner, use sex for more than just physical gratification; let it feed you spiritually, be a tool for communication, show your love and free your spirit. Be adventurous, daring, enjoy your body, walk around naked, touch yourself and your partner, see intimacy in its widest forms.
If you are not involved with anyone sexually in the present, be sexual with yourself in sensual ways, enjoy your own company and connect your energy to all life around you. The secret is to be a complete person, not closing yourself off from experience, experimentation and expression. That’s where your passion lies. Be open to ecstasy - don’t just go through the motions.
How to Generate Passion
- Harness your inner power
- Live in the moment
- Be open to life’s possibilities
- Let go of fear and control
- Be true to yourself
- Have fun every day; be playful
- Stay positive
- Get physical; be healthy and energetic
- Follow your bliss - do what excites you
- Seize the day - don’t procrastinate and put off your dreams
- Live creatively
- Surround yourself with passionate, positive people and fill your life with music, laughter, nature, variety, children, animals, things that stir the imagination and light your internal fires.
Further reading:
The Power Of The Feminine
Reconnecting With Your Sexuality
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