I plan on leaving Friday!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by wannabehappy2, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. wannabehappy2

    wannabehappy2 New Member

    The stress of all of this is just killing me. Now that I've told him that I'm leaving and after all the BS we've been through he is treating me so good; doing all this stuff around the house but we aren't talking so I guess I shouldn't say that he is treating me so good huh. I know in my head that I NEED to leave if I'm ever going to figure this thing out. I've been thinking back of when we had a really nice intimate moment that didn't involve drugs or alcohol and it's only been one time in 4months and it wasn't anything I would just jump up and down over. Sounds mean I know and I'm sorry. I keep telling myself that only time will tell I just worry so much about my children and how I don't want to hurt them but my oldest has to sense something.

    Someone explain to me why in the world would my 5year old say to me "you better not marry another boy mommy or I'll beat your but". No one that I know of has or should've said anything about me being with another man. This makes me wonder if he's heard his dad say to someone else something like that. I don't talk about any of this around him and plus there is no other man in the picture. This worries me alittle.

    So of course now he's not doing any drugs and seems to be going out of way but why now. Why is it that since I told him I was leaving he wants to do everything right??? I just really need some support today PLEASE!!!
  2. msjackiedt

    msjackiedt New Member

    That is the typical behavior... I've left a few guys that I have lived with (not married to) and when I was getting ready to leave, they completely flipped, made promises, acted like everything was great now... it won't last, I promise!

    As far as your son, I don't know what would make him think that... but remember... kids catch on to A LOT that isn't even spoken or said to them.
  3. nafi

    nafi New Member

    Ditto. Typical, once they see you're serious about leaving they try to change and get you to stay. Usually it doesn't last long. If you think this is a permanent change (which personally I doubt) you have to then think, does it change the past? Can you really forgive him and move on? Usually the answer to this is no meaning it doesn't matter if the change is temporary or not it wouldn't make a difference.

    As for your son, again a ditto to msjackiedt. It's possible his dad has said something in front of him, or he just picked something up about it, or who knows. I'd simply ask your son if he says something like that again. Ask why he'd say something like that and see what he says. Don't sound upset just be calm and curious and if he asks tell him he's not in trouble you just want to know why he would say that.

    I think it's good if you leave and start sorting this all out. The sooner the better and the sooner it can all be dealt with and settled.

    I'm sorry you're going through all this, it can't be easy. Be strong, surround yourself with positive support. You will get through this.
  4. blondie08

    blondie08 New Member

    How long have you been together?
  5. wannabehappy2

    wannabehappy2 New Member

    been married 3 years and together for 6

     

     
  6. Penguin-Goon

    Penguin-Goon New Member

    did you leave??
  7. wannabehappy2

    wannabehappy2 New Member

    Yes I did leave almost two weeks ago. It feels great except for the fact that he won't let me have my children on school nights. I'm really trying to work with him and understand where he is coming from but this just isn't working. I've been Mon thru Thur without them but have seen them and it's killing me. I have a appt with my lawyer on Wed and have the money to pay him that day to start on this custody thing. I want them next week but he's not going to let me because he says it's just too hard on them on school nights I don't want to make this any harder on them than it already is. He's constantly throwing in my face that I never put my children first and it just makes me angry because they are my world. It's just so hard but I do feel in my head and heart that this is just the best thing for us. I do understand the children need stability but they need to be with me to. Hopefully my lawyer will work something out for me. I don't want to argue with him over the children I really don't. My youngest was sick and out of school the other day and he never called me to tell me. It crushed me to know this because I would've called him to let him know, that's just how I am. These are his children and I will always keep him informed no matter what. I could keep on and on but I won't. The hardest part of all this is my children and not knowing where they're gonna be from one week to the next and that's why I have to take the step and get custody (putting my children first). I really don't need to be bashed I just need support. You all have been very understanding and I do appreciate it.
  8. wannabehappy2

    wannabehappy2 New Member

    Oh yeah and I have been clean from any drug for 3 weeks and it feels so good. I'm very proud of my self.
  9. nafi

    nafi New Member

    Maybe I missed it in previous posts, but are you a recovering addict for drugs or were you just an occassional user? I ask because this may affect your chances of getting custody.

    Congrats on being clean for 3 weeks though, that's awesome! Keep that up and it'll help your case. Also if you go to addictions meetings that would be good too, if you haven't already been.

    I wish you luck with those whole ordeal, it sounds like it's gonna be a hell of a battle. Stay strong and keep your children's needs ahead of your own needs/wants during the process.
  10. wannabehappy2

    wannabehappy2 New Member

    NO NO NO NO I wasn't an addict at all just occasionaly.

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